W A N A ' S BLOG

I just read a quote, saying that “no one is actually free, people just make time”. I was quite taken aback upon hearing that. 

Lately, I have been questioning someone; either he is trying to spend his time with me or not? I feel like we are not having enough quality time together. But now I have realised that I was not grateful enough. Among everyone in his life, I should’ve known better. I should have known that the most valuable thing people can give you is their time. You only have 24 hours in every single day. And as time passes by, as we grow older, as we move forward into adulthood, responsibilities and commitment are kicking in, where everyone bear different situation. We do not own their 24 hours, who am I to question their time spending right? Even to get one hour together is already a blessing to me. You only have 24 hours to catch up with everything in your daily life. To have free time or quality hours sound like a privilege to me now. 

And to that person, I am so grateful for you. Thank you for genuinely spending your time with me almost every single day. Thank you for calling me, listening to me, updating me everything about your life. Whenever you give time to me, I feel like receiving a part of you. Thank you again for giving me your time and I’m happy I spend mine together with you.

Bringing back the initial discussion, I don't know why I keep on being ungrateful, it looks like I crave for more. When I finally get to understand how this person is trying to make time for me, something else pop out, pressuring me. Just like the current term widely used; Fear of Missing Out (FOMO), I somehow believe that the desire to keep up with peers or societal trends can lead to a craving for more. As a normal human being, I tend to compare myself to others, which cause me the feeling of inadequacy. Let's bring out a situation for example; the flowers; that's what I have been longing for, but girls don't just go and directly ask for that right? Knowing that this person would never pickup my hint, I tried to bury this desire deep inside me. But, whenever I see someone receiving flowers, I told myself "That's pretty nice, I have never gotten one until now". I hate that. This guilt, I feel like I am at fault. 

Hence, I am trying to ditch my social media addiction. I don't scroll my social media as frequently as before. I spend most of my times watching drama, scrolling Linkedin, focusing on my work and hanging out with family or friends. But rather than solving the FOMO issue, I feel quite out of touch sometimes, and the work pressure stress me out even more. 

Everything is always changing. Nothing is ever permanent, including the effort someone makes for you. Growing up, I’ve never realised this, I’ve never realised that the effort people make for you will slowly decline. I guess, I did not socialise enough to see everything. But, that’s life, you will notice and learn many more things as time passes by. Nothing is ever the same every day. Some people change, you might be important to them today, but the next day you are the worthless one. That’s what it is, people change just like seasons.

I know in certain circumstances, I just keep comparing their effort to mine. Like if I can go until this extend, why can’t you? I hate it, I hate myself when I keep on making this comparison. I feel like, I am getting toxic. Have you heard about how toxic people will pollute everything around them? If I keep on comparing, I think I am in that position, I am polluting it actually, am i? But, I can’t help myself from getting sad. Whenever I realise that their effort has declined, I am so disappointed, I am terribly sad. It is like, you planted me thousand of seeds, but you make no effort to water and grow them. And I hate the fact that, people change but memories don’t. 

I wanted everything to stay the same, but I can’t change people. No matter how hard I tried. Even if I am getting sad, but there’s nothing can be done, right? They change by choice, and so do I, I have choices too. Except that, I don’t want to choose either one, I just want to stay here. 

I graduated my degree last year, but not in law, neither software engineering. My trunk suddenly shifted to a new branch, allowing me to venture into something new again, which is Town Planning. Gambling with my choice, I just randomly chose Town Planning after I finished my Foundation in Law. I am not suggesting this to anyone, unless you are that kind of person; quickly adjust and adapt to new genre in your life.

I love this new field. Still circulating around law and software, but town planning got many more things to be incorporated together. Honestly, I was not really sure with this choice initially, but me being me, I just pushed myself to go through the new environment. Surely, there is a lot of drama within the journey, but what is life if it is not dramatic enough. And me being me, I always try to pull off everything I have decided to do in life in my best way. Sadly, I didn’t graduate with first class degree, just 0.05 behind. I cried, but I believe that is the result of my effort. I did not fully focused on my direction, I went astray so many times, hence, I should accept the result no matter what. Allah surely has planned the right thing for me. "They plan, and Allah plans. Surely Allah is the Best of Planners." -Quran 08:30

Just before I graduated, I have started working as a Town Planner. Finally, I am in my adulthood era, juggling around commitment and responsibility. (Got my own car, another commitment). I tried to escape the buying-car-at-young-age syndrome, but nothing can soothe my traffic-jam-stress while driving manual car. Living in Penang, public transportation is definitely the worst choice (at the moment), unless I stay around my workplace?

I know, and we all know, life is full of ups and downs, and I want to be able to ride that wave positively in my own way. And I am heading towards that, to a more meaningful life. 

• Ayam
• Santan
• Cili padi
• Serbuk kunyit satu setengah sudu kecil
• Serai 2 batang
• Bawang merah 2 ulas
• Gula dan garam secukup rasa
• Ubi kentang (sebab I suka kentang)
• Asam keping or tamarind paste

1. Blendkan cili padi, serbuk kunyit dan sedikit air.
2. Panaskan minyak dan tumis bawang merah. I tumbuk guna lesung batu je bawang merah tu sebab I suka cara macam tu je.
3. Lepas bawang tu dah naik bau, warna golden-golden giteww, masukkan bahan yang diblend tadi.
4. And then, masukkan ayam, ubi kentang dan serai.
5. Jangan lupa masukkan gula dan garam secukup rasa.
6. Bila semua bahan tadi dah start masak, you know what I mean, (bila nampak macam mendidih tu lah kalau tak tau) baru masukkan santan. 
7. Jangan lupa masukkan tamarind paste or asam keping ye.
8. Ayam dah masak, kentang dah empuk, dah boleh dihidang, yayyy.

NASI AYAM

• Daun sup
• Bawang besar
• 1 Kiub pati ayam
• Secukup rasa
• Rempah sup @ Bunga lawang, buah pelaga, kulit kayu manis
• Kentang

1. Air rebusan ayam tadi je kita panaskan and masukkan bawang merah yang ditumbuk.
2. Masukkan kentang. Ikut je berapa banyak kita nak.
3. Masukkan kiub pati ayam, rempah sup @ bunga lawang, buah pelaga, kulit kayu manis dan sedikit secukup rasa.
4. Lepas dah mendidih, akhirkan dengan masukkan daun sup. 
5. Siap. Untuk sup, I buat simple-simple je.

• Lebihan kuah perapan ayam
• Kicap
• Sedikit air rebusan ayam
• Gula
• Secukup rasa

1. Lebihan kuah perapan ayam dipanaskan.
2. Tambahkan sedikit gula dan secukup rasa.
3. Masukkan sedikit air rebusan ayam tadi.
4. Tambah kicap jika perlu. (tapi I selalu je tambah lagi)

• 5/6 tangkai cili hidup merah 
• 1 sudu kecil cuka
• 5 ulas bawang putih
• 2 inci halia
• 1 sudu kecil gula dan garam @ secukup rasa
• Sedikit air rebusan ayam 

1. I blendkan semua bahan tu.
2. Panaskan dalam kuali.
3. Tambahkan air jika perlu, bila dah macam mendidih sedikit tu dah siap.

• Spaghetti (or any types of pasta)
• Olive oil
• Bawang putih (4 ulas, cincang or I guna lesung batu je senang)
• Cili kering (2/3 tangkai)
• Ayam & Sotong (udang sedap jugak)
• Parsley/daun sup
• Blackpepper
• Parmesan Cheese
• Serbuk perasa

1. Tumis bawang putih and cili kering tu.
2. Masukkan ayam and sotong. I tambah sikit air. Air tak payah pening-pening, guna je bekas rebus spaghetti tu. Idk why, tapi I suka guna. 
3. Lepas ayam and sotong tu dah masak, baru masukkan spaghetti. And I masukkan serbuk perasa jugak sebab nak bagi sedap lah kan. Kalau taknak, tak payahla. 
4. And then, baru I masukkan blackpepper and parsley.
5. Sambil tunggu nak masukkan setiap bahan tu, boleh je korang nak tambah air sikit-sikit sebab taknak kering sangat nanti tak sedap. 
6. And the last step is parmesan cheese. I tersangat-sangatlah suka cheese, so I masukkan before padam api. Nak bagi aglio olio berkrim sikit. Berkrim sikit je bukan sampai berkuah pulak. And tadaaa, dah siap. Dah boleh hidang. Nak tambah parmesan cheese time hidang pun okay.