I just read a quote, saying that “no one is actually free, people just make time”. I was quite taken aback upon hearing that. 

Lately, I have been questioning someone; either he is trying to spend his time with me or not? I feel like we are not having enough quality time together. But now I have realised that I was not grateful enough. Among everyone in his life, I should’ve known better. I should have known that the most valuable thing people can give you is their time. You only have 24 hours in every single day. And as time passes by, as we grow older, as we move forward into adulthood, responsibilities and commitment are kicking in, where everyone bear different situation. We do not own their 24 hours, who am I to question their time spending right? Even to get one hour together is already a blessing to me. You only have 24 hours to catch up with everything in your daily life. To have free time or quality hours sound like a privilege to me now. 

And to that person, I am so grateful for you. Thank you for genuinely spending your time with me almost every single day. Thank you for calling me, listening to me, updating me everything about your life. Whenever you give time to me, I feel like receiving a part of you. Thank you again for giving me your time and I’m happy I spend mine together with you.

Bringing back the initial discussion, I don't know why I keep on being ungrateful, it looks like I crave for more. When I finally get to understand how this person is trying to make time for me, something else pop out, pressuring me. Just like the current term widely used; Fear of Missing Out (FOMO), I somehow believe that the desire to keep up with peers or societal trends can lead to a craving for more. As a normal human being, I tend to compare myself to others, which cause me the feeling of inadequacy. Let's bring out a situation for example; the flowers; that's what I have been longing for, but girls don't just go and directly ask for that right? Knowing that this person would never pickup my hint, I tried to bury this desire deep inside me. But, whenever I see someone receiving flowers, I told myself "That's pretty nice, I have never gotten one until now". I hate that. This guilt, I feel like I am at fault. 

Hence, I am trying to ditch my social media addiction. I don't scroll my social media as frequently as before. I spend most of my times watching drama, scrolling Linkedin, focusing on my work and hanging out with family or friends. But rather than solving the FOMO issue, I feel quite out of touch sometimes, and the work pressure stress me out even more.