Lately, it feels like the spark between us is fading. The excitement, the butterflies, they are drifting away, leaving a quiet distance. I am not even sure if this emptiness is normal, or if I’m settling for someone who’s already halfway out the door. It seems like he has built a quiet wall I can’t climb, and I’m left standing on the other side, waiting for him. 

In every idea I come up with, there will be a reason for him to shut it down and refuse. It hurts me, really bad. I'm not doing this for praise or attention, it's just that I'm still putting effort into us. But when everything I try is dismissed or questioned, it starts to feel like my efforts don’t matter. It’s as if I’m the only one who’s excited or trying to keep the spark alive, while he’s no longer interested in being part of it.

I know he is busy. I understand his responsibilities and others. I don't want to make things harder for him. But hey, I am here too... Why pursue me if you are not ready to include me as one of your commitment? I just want to feel like I am still matter. Hence, I’ve been the one making the effort, keeping us connected when life gets overwhelming. I don’t want us to fall apart just because we’re both caught up in this corporate trap. But when that effort is met with silence, or dismissal, it starts to hurt. I keep telling myself he’s just tired, that he doesn’t mean to create the distance between us. But how long can I keep making excuses for someone who doesn’t want to meet me halfway? How long should i keep on lying to myself. 

If there's no more butterflies left, please make it clear to me. Maybe, I am the one who should slip away from everything, far from this world, leaving not even a piece myself behind.